Superheroes - Idiots in Tights.

 I've been doing that thing again; y'know, thinking whilst watching TV.
 It's never a good idea.
 I've already discussed how the day-to-day living of my life makes me feel like I'm automatically better at other peoples' jobs than they are. A recent example is from KFC. I don't know how much Kentucky Fried Chicken paid the person who came up with the line "There's a little bit of the Colonel in every one of them," but you could have paid me less money to come up with something better.
 "Something better" in this case being "anything that doesn't make you think that KFC food contains bits of elderly corpse."
 In the interests of full disclosure, I should say that I only noticed that line in passing in an ad the other day. Having just looked up the ad on Youtube, it turns out that the line is referencing the many cooks employed by KFC, and that by following the Colonel's recipes, you could say there's a little bit of the Colonel in every one of them. Which makes me think about cannibalism AND sodomy, so I still think I could write a better ad.
 Anyway, my "I could do better" mindset has begun leaking out of reality and bleeding into fiction, recently.
 I guess it started with "Skyfall," in which Bond goes rogue to protect Judi Dench, and takes her to his old, remote house in the highlands.
 I'm not one to argue with fifty years experience in shooting people and banging models with funny names, so I'm hesitant to say I'm a better spy than Bond.
 What I AM going to say is: Really?!
 That's it?!
 That's his plan?!
 I would have hoped MI6 trained its people a little better than that. When your master plan involves re-enacting Straw Dogs with a couple of septuagenarians, you might not be the sharpest operative in the business. If you ever find yourself in a situation where your assets are "two pensioners and a shotgun" and your opponent's assets are "Apache gunship full of mercenaries" you might want to reconsider pretty much every decision that has led you to this point. Bond, it turns out, is a fucking idiot.
 Same thing with Batman.
 Batman is trained by the League of Shadows who are, when analysed, the worst ninjas in the world. (I'm not sure if the League of Shadows is an actual league, like in football, but if it is then the Himalayan branch would definitely be fighting relegation somewhere in the Autoglass division.)
 First of all, this is an organisation that is trying to influence the running of the world, covertly. Why the fuck do they do it from up a mountain in the arse end of China?! It's not like you can spring into action when it's a three day hike to the nearest paved road. Deploying highly-trained ninjas should really never have to involve hiring a minicab.
 Not that they can be THAT well trained, because the film implies that their chief techniques are to get people high and dress alike. They'd presumably develop massive penis envy at even the ropiest branch of Fitness First.
 "What do you train with? Weights? Smith machine? Nautilus?"
 "Nah, big jug of LSD and some pyjamas, mainly..."
 Of course, Bruce Wayne wouldn't have been able to destroy the place had they not kept a frankly "asking for it" amount of gunpowder right in the middle of the dojo, for some reason. There must have been somewhere else to put it, surely? Do ninjas not believe in sheds?!
 And then there's Iron Man. I watched that again, recently, and noticed something that's been driving me crazy ever since: Before he flies off for his boss fight with The Big Lebowski, Tony Stark tells General NotCheadle to "Keep the skies clear," before having a badass faceplate-closing, turn to camera moment...
 ...And then smashing a hole through the roof of his garage.
 Seriously, go back and watch the movie. Instead of leaving the garage he is standing in via the actual exit - which he his seen using earlier in the film - he just flies straight up through the roof and smashes a big hole through it.
 Why?! Why would you do that?! There is a demonstrably easier way to leave than blasting a big hole in your living room floor. Even when he's as far as the living room, he then has to presumably blow another hole in his roof, or fly through the window. Either way, he's going to be putting in a call to the insurance company in the morning for absolutely no fucking reason. (Probably the same insurance company that just got through sorting out that fire at the League of Shadows.)
 Tony Stark is supposed to be a genius. He can build a flying battle suit that travels faster than the speed of sound, but he doesn't have a clicker for the garage door, apparently. It's baffling.
 In summation, I'm a better spy than James Bond, I'm a better ninja than anyone who works for the League of Shadows, and I'm better at flying an Iron Man suit than Tony Stark.

 ...Why can't I get a [better] job?!