Friday, 1 March 2013

All Work and New Playstation



 Nothing says “tech savvy” like the BBC, am I right?!
 The monolithic, nonagenarian corporation famous for “Call the Midwife” and “Eastenders” and somehow still broadcasting “The Archers” seventeen times a day rarely seems to be steeped in the electronic zeitgeist, and today was no different.
 Following a torturously long press conference in New York, Sony announced the Playstation 4 recently, a console that is both cutting-edge and, apparently, not ready yet.
 This is based on the fact that Sony “announced” the console without actually showing us any evidence of its existence, much in the way I often “announce” my gigantic penis.
 In a blind, flailing attempt to say something on the subject and fill up some air time, the BBC News wondered aloud whether console gaming had become outmoded in an increasingly phone-based society.
 No, is the short answer, but it is worth examining just what, exactly, “gaming” has come to mean in the modern world.
 According to any normal barometer of success, the biggest game of the last few years has been “Angry Birds,” hands down. 
 It’s been the most widely played, it’s been the most profitable, and if you haven’t had a go on it at least once, then you probably don’t own thumbs.
 With the exception of Super Mario (who had a thirty year head start) it’s the most widely recognised video game brand imaginable. Even at the height of her fame, Lara Croft never had plush toys devoted to her in arcade grabber machines. Neither did the Master Chief. Neither did Niko Bellic. (Lara, admittedly, probably didn’t get a line of toys because of the unspeakable things teenage boys would have done to them, but the point stands.)
 At last count, Angry Birds had sold over a billion copies. This is the equivalent of everybody in China buying the same game. Angry Birds, put simply, is about as big a global force as Communism.

                                                                                      
                                                  He’s red and smashes decadent palaces.
                                                       We could be on to something, here…


 Despite all of this, nobody I know who owns a console would argue that Angry Birds is a “proper” game.
 This is because, for all the mass appeal of Angry Birds, or Temple Run, or any of the other mobile phone games, “proper” games are still played on a console.
 There are a number of reasons for this.
 Firstly, immersion. A big screen TV hooked up to a modern console allows for detail, and more importantly, allows you to become engrossed in the landscape. All gamers know the feeling of spotting a tiny moving speck in the distance and immediately switching to a sniper rifle to make sure it’s not the enemy. Of course, this just gives you a better view of the fact that it IS the enemy, and you’re now splattered all over the battlefield at the hands of a twelve year old Korean boy. Still, this doesn’t happen in handheld games because they just aren’t capable of it. You can’t immerse yourself that deeply whilst on the move. The tension a gamer feels crawling through a highly rendered digital terrain would be broken pretty easily if you lost concentration every time the bus you’re playing in went over a bump.
 Interactivity is also an issue. Sure, most phones have Bluetooth connectivity, but playing a game with friends online is much easier - not to say more fun - if you have a sofa to sit on, a big TV to play on, and ideally a headset.
 Whilst it may come as a surprise to younger readers, some people actually use the voice-communication aspect for reasons other than abuse, racism and empty threats, and mobile phone games will never let anyone plan an attack with their team-mates, as the only way you’d be able to communicate over distances would involve using the phone you’re trying to play on.
 Finally, and by far most importantly, is plotting.
 Mobile games can’t be said to have a vast amount of thought put into their storylines. The entire plot to “Temple Run” as far as I can tell is “Oh shit, jump!”, which doesn’t exactly scream Pulitzer Prize.
 Big console games, on the other hand, strive to have the most operatic and engrossing plots possible.
 Sure, most of them fail embarrassingly, but they do at least TRY. You understand the basic reasons why you’re shooting the bad guys, or climbing the tower, or breaking open another strangely ubiquitous crate.
 A game should have a story, an objective, and a sense of progression. A good game should take you to another world, or at least let you live in someone else’s skin for a while; make you feel like you’re an athletic badass with a quest to fulfil, even when you’re sat in your underwear eating Doritos at four in the afternoon.
 Mobile games are popular not because they’re better than console games, but because in an era of Youtube attention spans, we all like to have a distraction at the ready.
 Real games, the kind you’ll see on Playstation 4, are an experience.
 Mobile games are just something you do on the toilet.
 So the next generation of consoles will probably do alright for themselves.

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