Stupid Conversations...

 This probably doesn't shock anybody, but I spend a lot of my time having pointless, surreal conversations with people. I've decided to post a couple I had today in the name of entertainment value. I'm aware of how arrogant this makes me.

 [A friend of mine hasn't been well, and was telling me about her plans. She'd also been giving me shit about a typo I made previously in the conversation.]

Emily:

That's ok, mate is picking me up to spend the night round theirs. He has chromes and his finance works for NHS so kind of company I need. Just need people around who don't mind me not being lively and on form and can cope with me being slightly subdued for a little bit.

But I can offer ice-cream and good food, just spent a fortune on a food shop. :)

Me:

 You meant "crones ."

 Unless he has a disease that makes him shiny and silver.

Emily:

Yes, I did. Were you aware your typo disease was catching?

Me:

 Is this the guy?

Emily:

 No, you twat.

Me:

 :-D!

[Pause]

Me:

 I don't want to worry you, but I think the symptoms are getting worse...

Emily: [Gives up and finds someone else to talk to.]

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[Someone posted a holiday photo on Facebook and it immediately looked, to me, like an angry, screaming monster face. Nobody else seemed to see it, but the image is below. I posted it as my status to see if anyone else could see it.]

Me:

 Can you see the screaming face in my status?

Sam:

 I can, but only if I squint...

Me:

 God dammit!

 This is evolution in action, you know! Pareidolia means I'd already be up a tree while all you fuckers were trying to work out if something was a tiger!

Sam:

 I think I'd be fine, considering I haven't left the house today...

Me:

That's how they get you. 47% of tiger attacks take place in houses in Pensford. It's a little known made-up fact. Personally, I'd be scuppered by my lack of a tree.

Sam:

 You just have to distract them with a box of Frosties. Apparently, they think they're great... 

Me: 

Ah. I did manage to slow this one down by letting it sell me petrol...

Although I'm slightly worried he might come back in a tank, unless I've misunderstood the slogan...

Sam:

Ha. That's when they're truly dangerous. 

[At this point, we both returned to not being zoologists.]