Saturday, 20 July 2013

A Performance That Will Probably Never Happen.


[Int. Night. A blues club with an empty stage and a lone stool in front of the microphone.]

ANNOUNCER: Please welcome to the stage, One Eyed, Homeless Jones!

[A blues singer appears, looking suitably shabby. The audience applauds politely as he sits and assumes a guitar playing position, despite clearly not having a guitar with him.]


JONES: 
[Making noiseless strumming gestures, begins to sing] 

My baby done left me, she took my guitar!
             
 [He plays invisible, silent guitar where there should clearly be a musical line]

My baby done left me; she took my guitar!

[Plays another silent line. Audience seems confused.]

I don't know where she gone to; but I know she traveled far!

[JONES plays another extended guitar line, silently, sans guitar.]

JONES: cont'd

That woman left me, took my harmonica too!
[He makes a blowing noise where one imagines a harmonica would be, but isn't.]

That woman done left me, Lord, took my harmonica too!

[Continues playing no instruments. Audience shifts uncomfortably.]

She took my guitar and harmonica; left me sad and blue!

[Continues his noiseless blowing and miming]

JONES: cont'd

My baby's gone, left her accordion behind!
[Another silent fill]

Yeah, my baby's gone; left her accordion behind!

[Stops "strumming"]

But I still wouldn't play it. I got SOME fucking dignity, dammit.

[Audience erupts in applause, JONES leaves the stage.]

No comments:

Post a Comment