Jack Of All Trades. Apparently.

 One of the great frustrations of unemployment is the sneaking suspicion that you could do most peoples' jobs better than they can.
 It used to be just the lazy, dumb jobsworths that I saw on a day to day basis that annoyed me. The woman who would ring me from the temping agency I was with was clearly stupid and often wrong about the details of the jobs she was sending me on - which were normally long, arduous tasks that she would direct me to from a comfortable seat in an office - and there are plenty of people who would be better at her job than she was. I'm one of them.
 Today, the sneaking suspicion is creeping in that in actual fact, I can do everybody's job better than they can.
 Bear with me. It's not arrogance, it's just a sort of mass ineptitude on other peoples' part.
 Everyone in Essex was panicking today because, apparently, there was a lion on the loose.
 Although "lion spotter" isn't a job, I'm already better at it than some other person whose job it isn't, either.
 Faced with what might have been a lion, they called in an expert, who according to the Guardian website, worked at a zoo as a rhino keeper. This expert went on to say that whatever had been sighted was probably a dog, although if it was a lion, it would have to be female as it had no mane.
 In actual fact, some male lions don't have manes. The notorious Tsavo maneaters spring to mind as an example.
 So, apparently, I know more about lions than the lion expert, whose specialty was rhinos. Which means I'm also probably better at hiring experts than whoever was put in charge of the "find a lion expert" job.
 In other news, at an athletics meeting in Germany, a judge was killed by a javelin.
 Now, I know nothing about javelining. I'm not even very confident that javelining is a word. I'm completely sure that you don't treat javelinning injuries with javeliniment, either, but I'm still going to use the word because seriously, where the fuck else am I ever going to put that pun?
 Anyway, I don't know what the barrier to entry is for becoming a javelin judge. I imagine you're required to be able to 1) duck and 2) use a tape measure, but there's probably a few more complexities that I'm unaware of.
 Still, I'm confident that the first, biggest and most inflexible rule of judging a javelin contest is "watch out for the flying pointy things," a rule summarily ignored by a Mr. Deiter Strack. When asked for comment, the local athletic society said that they "would always remember Deiter Strack," which seems reasonable as you're unlikely to forget the guy you saw speared to death in front of you.
 I submit, however, that I'd be a better judge of javelin contests than the people who are currently judging them, due largely to my healthy fear of sharp, airborne death-sticks.
 To recap, I'm over-qualified as a javelin contest official, a lion expert, a guy who hires lion experts, and probably an employment agent, too.
 Why can't I get a job?!