What's Wrong With a Little Showmanship?

 Why everyone is way less impressed than they should be, today...

 Science, can I talk to you for a minute?
 Yeah, in private. Just put down your microscope and your... whatever the hell else it is you use.
 Science, I've been elected to talk to you by all the other warm, fleshy organisms. The ones that sit and stare at screens all the time and contribute nothing towards you.
 It's not that we don't respect you, science, or even that we don't like you. We do. Really. That whole thing where none of us has smallpox anymore? That's awesome. And A lot of our phones would be far less interesting if we didn't have those cool pictures of stars and constellations as wallpaper. (Not to mention, y'know, having the phone in the first place. Props on that, too.)
 The problem, Science, is that you're just not workin' it, honey. You're not being all you can be.
 Take today, when you found that Higgs Boson. Did you actually find it? It's still not a hundred percent clear, and when it comes to making announcements that affect the future of mankind, "100% clear" is what we should really be aiming for.
 I know you're cautious by nature, Science. Really, it's commendable in most cases. Insistence on accuracy and attention to tiny details is what's got you where you are today.
 But the people who are doing your press just aren't cutting it. "We've made a discovery that's probably the thing we were looking for, or something very much like it," they say. It's not exactly setting the world on fire. (Or is it? I'm not entirely sure what a Higgs Boson is for. From the name, I'm guessing it's something to do with boats.)
 We're not asking that you become populist, as such. I mean, at this stage in history, scientific discoveries are so mind-bendingly complex that it would take several years of study just to understand what we're getting excited about. I'm not going to invest that heavily. I'm still struggling to keep up with "Game of Thrones."
 Still, when it comes to, say, finding concrete proof of the particle that helps explain how everything in the universe works, could you maybe try to be a little more bold? Even, dare I say it, impassioned?
 Otherwise, we're going to stop listening even more than we already have.
 You'll be like the boy who cried "wolf", except of course "wolf" is interesting. The boy who cried "mollusc," maybe. Well, not cried. Wrote it down somewhere. In small letters. When everyone was asleep.
 You're doing awesome stuff, Science, you really are. I just wish you'd shout about it more often to get people excited, instead of being the boy who wrote mollusc in small letters late at night.
 Atta boy.